


Davekat Mad Libs

by Elendraug



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Mad Libs, Yaoi, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:20:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7638097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elendraug/pseuds/Elendraug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What whimsical journey will Dave and Karkat embark upon? YOU DECIDE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Davekat Mad Libs

**Author's Note:**

> please don't take this seriously.

Dave and Karkat felt [EMOTION]. They had just finished [-ING VERB] at their favorite [ADJECTIVE] [PLACE], and were on their way home. They couldn’t wait to get back to their [TYPE OF DWELLING] so they could [VERB] each other.

“Great job, fuckass!” Karkat said, [-LY ADVERB]. “I really [VERB] the way you [PAST TENSE VERB] that [NOUN] at the [PREVIOUS PLACE].”

“It was no sweat,” Dave said, [-LY ADVERB]. “That’s just part of being a Strider. I’m simply the [SUPERLATIVE ADJECTIVE ENDING IN -EST] there is at [-ING VERB].”

“Now that we’re home, let’s [VERB] each other.”

“Cool.”

“First, however, we have to get into an argument,” Karkat pointed out. “We are both terrible at [ALIEN SPECIES] romance, having based all our notions of [TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP] on shitty movies and [MUSICAL GENRE] songs.”

“That’s true,” agreed Dave. “Which quadrant were we, again?”

“As we’ve gone over many times, Dave,” Karkat said, [-LY ADVERB], “we’re obviously in the—”

Suddenly, his sentence was drowned out by loud [SOUND EFFECT ENDING IN -ING] from outside their [TYPE OF DWELLING].

“Oh, right. Sorry I forgot,” Dave said.

“Nothing else matters, because we [EMOTIONAL VERB] each other. Now get over here and [VERB] me.”

“Chill.”

Dave walked over to Karkat and began to [VERB] his [BODY PART]. Karkat made alien noises that sounded like a [ANIMAL] [-ING VERB].

“Dave, where the fuck did you learn to [VERB] like that!” Karkat shouted at the top of his [BODY PARTS, PLURAL].

“Probably at the [GOVERNMENTAL INSTITUTION] back in Texas,” Dave said.

Karkat lifted his [BODY PART] and [-ED VERB] Dave on the [BODY PART]. “Keep it up, Stridork,” he said, [-LY ADVERB].

“I will keep my [NOUN] up, just for you,” Dave assured him. “Just like the price of [FOSSIL FUEL].”

“Sexy,” Karkat said. “I love discussing [PETROLEUM PRODUCT] while I’m getting [-ED VERB].”

“Glad I can deliver,” Dave said, “just like [DELIVERY SERVICE COMPANY].”

“Dave, don’t stop making jokes about complicated shipping logistics. That is the [SUPERLATIVE ENDING IN -EST] thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“[MAIL SPEED OPTION],” said Dave.

“I hope your male speed isn’t too [ADJECTIVE],” Karkat said.

“Dude, don’t become aware of the narrative we inhabit,” Dave cautioned. “That would be [ADJECTIVE WITH NEGATIVE CONNOTATION].

“Yeah that’s true,” screamed Karkat.

“So are you still wanting to [VERB]?” Dave asked, [ADJECTIVE STOLEN FROM JAPANESE AND APPENDED WITH -LY].

“Hell fucking yes,” bellowed Karkat, like a [VEHICLE] [-ING VERB].

“[90’S SLANG],” said Dave.

Dave took off his [ARTICLE OF CLOTHING] and took out his [BODY PART]. It was at least [NUMBER] [UNIT OF MEASUREMENT] long and as thick as a [NOUN] of [TYPE OF CHEESE]. Karkat gasped. Human anatomy was [ADJECTIVE].

“Yeah, that’s the reaction I usually get,” David Elizabeth Strider said. “It’s like trying to describe [CELEBRITY RAPPER]’s beats to someone who doesn’t understand [TYPE OF ENGINEERING].”

“Dave-[JAPANESE HONORIFIC SUFFIX], I’m begging you, hurry up and [VERB] my [BODY PART] with your [ADJECTIVE] [DELI MEAT].”

“Okay,” Dave said.

Karkat [VERB] [PREPOSITION] their [PIECE OF FURNITURE] and waited for Dave to come closer. Dave stood between Karkat’s [BODY PARTS PLURAL] and looked him in the [BODY PART], [-LY ADVERB].

“Do you need any [NOUN] before we do this?” he asked.

“No, Dave, I’m as [ADJECTIVE] as a [ECOLOGICAL DISASTER]. Stop teasing me.”

“Well, then,” Dave crooned. “Get ready for an experience that hasn’t been this hardcore since [80’S CARTOON] introduced us to the mere concept of [CHAIN RESTAURANT].”

“Dave, you know just what to say,” Karkat moaned.

“I’m getting help from [YOUR NAME], actually,” he admitted.

Karkat scowled because he is always angry. “Dave, weren’t you just saying we shouldn’t make jokes that break the fourth wall?”

Dave shrugged.

“All I’m saying is, try not to behave like [ACTOR WHO HIT PEAK FAME BETWEEN 1990-1995].”

“I still have a huge crush on [SAME ACTOR].”

Karkat rolled his eyes because he consistently expresses displeasure during conversations with Dave. “That’s because you’re [ADJECTIVE], you [ADJECTIVE] [TROLL BODY PART][-ER VERB].”

“Touché.”

“Whatever.”

“Are you ready yet, my [ADJECTIVE] [ICONIC ANIMATED CHARACTER]?” Dave asked ironically.

“I’ve been ready ever since we [-ED VERB] into this timeline,” Karkat roared.

“Hold your [ANIMALS], [2000’S POP IDOL], I’m working on it.”

Dave put his [BODY PART] into Karkat’s [ADJECTIVE] [ORIFICE].

“[EXPLETIVE]!” Karkat wailed. “That feels so [ADJECTIVE]!”

“I am the [PROFESSIONAL OCCUPATION],” Dave groaned. “It’s me.”

“You have so many [ITEMS] in the [NOUN]!” Karkat howled.

“All of the [ITEMS], all of them,” Dave said [-LY ADVERB].

“[VERB] me, Dave, [VERB] me until I [VERB]!” Karkat clamored.

“I will [VERB] you so [ADVERB] that it’ll make [SITCOM PROTAGONIST] look like [CELEBRITY CHEF].”

“What?” Karkat barked.

“Nothing,” Dave said. “That one didn’t make sense.”

“Something’s weird about our repartee today,” Karkat yelled.

“Yeah,” Dave agreed. “It’s like an episode of [EDGY CARTOON FOR ADULTS] or something.”

Then Dave used his [BODY PART] to [VERB] Karkat’s [BODY PART] so expertly, that Karkat immediately [VERB]. Dave then also [VERB] because we don’t have time to dwell on this.

“Fuck, Dave, you [LUSUS]-[-ING VERB] [INSULTING NICKNAME]. You [VERB] like [SBURB DENIZEN].”

“I [SAME VERB] like [DIFFERENT SBURB DENIZEN], actually,” Dave corrected.

“Oh,” Karkat shrieked. “My bad.”

They fell asleep looking each other in the [BODY PARTS], [-LY ADVERB].


End file.
